I know what you're thinking - Where are the first 22 chapters? Well, I figure it doesn't make sense to start with chapter 1 since I didn't just move into the city yesterday.
Despite the grumbling earlier this year about budget problems with the CTA, they managed to get some more funding so people can get to work. Yippee. I know I sound sarcastic, but I have to admit that the Chicago Card has been a blessing for people like me who like auto-payments and can save 2.3 seconds by not having to stop at the turnstyle. I suppose it must be the same elation experienced by iPass users when they fly by all the suckers waiting in line to throw change into the tollway urinals. It really is one of those little perks during the everyday doldrums of schlepping to the office. When I first got my card, I almost felt like I was from the future or something as I zipped past people still using those archaic passes, waiting for the machine to eat them, digest them, and vomit them back up. I often imagined them thinking to themselves, "Wowee! How did he do that? He didn't even stop. He just went right thru the turnstyle like he stepped on the magic mat in front of the doors at Walgreens or something." Some people even took it a step further to save an additional 0.3 seconds by simply positioning their butts in front of the card read cuz it could read it through their pants. What a marvel of efficiency.
Too bad that hasn't extended to the rest of the system.
I've often complained at the lack of an express option for the trains here in Chicago. I live on the way north side and it would be nice if I didn't have to make 14 stops to get to work. But I understand that it would be a huge project to building additional train lines at this point. But it's gonna have to happen eventually. But until that happens I'll have to be discontent with my new superpower. I seem to have gained the ability to delay trains. Never fear CTA riders - if you need to get to work late, just make sure you get to the platform at the same time I do. Wave goodbye to that train that you just missed, cuz it's gonna be the last one you see for quite some time. Take the time to relax and prepare yourself for the busy day ahead. Maybe I can convice the CTA to let them put Starbucks right on the platform so you can get another cup of coffee while you wait. And on a good day, if I tune my power just right, even when the next train finally arrives, it will be too crowded for anyone else to board. If I got a good night's sleep I can extend this to up to 3 trains. Just be sure to bring your celly so you can call somebody and tell them you're still waiting for the train. I will have copies of my personalized train delay slips for you to show as proof that I messed up your morning commute.