Let this be a warning to you all this Christmas season. There, I said it. I thought it was just a silly joke. I thought that these talking heads just had too much time on their hands and couldn't think of anything else to attack for the next few weeks so they just made up this whole "War On Christmas" crap. The idea just seemed ludicrous to me and I had better things to do.
But now I'm singing a different tune. I was walking down the street yesterday, minding my own business, not bothering a soul. Out of nowhere comes this liberal and stole Christmas right out of my hands! I couldn't believe it. In broad daylight this liberal had the audacity to steal my Christmas! How do I know it was a liberal you ask? Cuz only a liberal would steal my Christmas. I was all set to get my Christmas on and now it's off.
And as if that wasn't enough - one of my colleagues at work this afternoon asked me where I'd be spending Christmas. And before I could even tell him that a liberal stole my Christmas, a gang of liberal ninja lawyers busted in through the windows and sued him for saying Christmas. Damn those liberal ninja lawyers. They're everywhere these days.
So I hope that you all will heed my advice. If you want to get your Christmas on this year you better keep it to yourself. Don't mention it outside the safety of your home. Don't even think about talking about Jesus. And for goodness sake, minimize the red clothing.