The Return Of Mechasmack

There was a time during and right after college where I couldn't go anywhere in the city without bumping into someone from U of I. It's just a fact that a lot of people go to U of I and those people end up living and working in Chicago after graduation. That's died down over the years as people have moved on.

One thing that happens every once in a while, though, is when you see someone you know from high school or college on the bus or train or walking toward you on the street somewhere and one or all of the following go through your head:

1. Where do I know this person from? High school or college?
2. Do I want to stop and say hello and have a little How ya doin? session?
3. Would this person even remember who I am? They didn't know who I was in high school, why should I expect them to remember me now?
4. I don't feel like talking to them today.

I saw someone from high school on the train this morning. I don't remember her name and I doubt she'd remember me at all. But I always wonder as I encounter these people from the past if they see me and are thinking the same thing as we pass each other on the street.

Then there's the other end of the spectrum. (Does this qualify as a spectrum?) Anyway, there are the other times when I see people I know that I actually would like to talk to and they don't even notice me, but I don't feel like going out of my way to say hello. Just last week I saw three people I knew that I would have gladly talked to for a minute but they didn't notice my little half-hearted wave. Oh well, maybe I need to start wearing orange more often.

Every once in a while, you encounter someone on the train acting like an animal. What I mean by that is they seem to be making lots of noise just to bring attention to themselves and/or establishing dominance of their space. It's like they're trying to emphasize that they don't care what you think about them. If they do intimidate you, they are proud of that fact. Out of all the things that can be annoying about traveling on the CTA, this bothers me the most because it's usually a young black male that acts this way.

I recently saw a play by Rebecca Gilman called Spinning Into Butter. It dealt with racism on a college campus. One of the characters related how she used to have the bleeding heart liberal attitude towards minorities, feeling that they have been short changed and the bad situations they may be in now are a result of the legacy of racism in this country. But over time, dealing with them and seeing them make mistakes in life, over and over, her attitude changed. She no longer felt that their hardships were due to oppression. Rather, it was their own fault. They wasted the opportunities given to them. And she went even further to state how she even felt an aversion to black people, especially black males. When she got on a train, they were the last people she would sit next to.

This part of the play really struck a chord with me. It was a raw, honest opinion that you don't hear too often these days. Taken out of context it would come across as racist. But I can truly relate. When I see these young men acting out on the train, I'm embarrased. Part of me wants to yell at them to shut up and grow up. But is it my place to do so? I shouldn't have to. And worst of all I feel like even though it's not me, it reflects on me. There is stereotypical image of black men in this country and I know I don't fit into it. But I feel like too many non-black people still see us a some monolithic race. Most of us are in jail or on welfare. We can't speak proper English. If Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson says something, then it is the official opinion of all black folks. I rejected those stereotypes back in high school and it's troubling to me that they seem have gained momentum.

All I can do is be myself. Keep it real? I've been keeping it real for 20 years. I get up in the morning and put on a suit and and go to work and banter about the weather on the elevator and generally keep to myself during the commute. That pretty much makes me invisible. But I do notice when the seat next to me is the last one filled.

What is up with Lake Shore Drive these days!?!? The past couple of weeks, the traffic has been horrendous in the morning. This morning it was a parking lot practically to my front door. And it's been like that a lot lately. I don't see any construction going on. I haven't seen any accidents. What's up?

I'm hungry.

Street Fighter II Fans will enjoy this:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1711287

The Empty Train Car
Every once in a while, a train will pull up that has an empty car. Any CTA rider's first reaction most likely is, "Score! I can sit anywhere I want to!" But they'll soon find out why the car is empty.

Pee Man
One common reason for the empty train car is the homeless man who has peed on himself and has now stunk up the car so no one wants to be on it. It is an obvious ploy by the homeless to shoo away all those noisy commuters. One of these days we need to fight back and crowd around this homeless person and let them know that their pee is not going to scare us away. Somebody let me know how that goes.

Hot Car
It's summer. It's hot. The train has AC. Oh look, an empty car with no stinky people using up all the cool air. WRONG! That car is empty because it's 110 degrees inside. I get warm enough just walking to and from the train. The last thing I need is to bake in an oven on the way to work.

Cold Car
It's like Hot Car, but in the winter.

This morning, I was fooled by the half-empty car. I thought to myself, "There are plenty of seats on that car." My eagerness blinded me to the homeless man in the corner. It wasn't long after I sat down before I noticed the distinct smell of pee. Luckily, there were seats on the other end of the car. I felt bad for the people getting on the train further south because it was soon going to get too crowded for people to have the option.

When did we get so lazy that we can't carry a backpack?

I've been noticing more and more people using those backpacks with the handles and wheels on them like they're a piece of luggage. Now I can certainly understand if you're traveling and have more than one bag, but do you really need those just to carry a few papers to and from work every day? Yesterday this lady on train almost missed her stop and had to roll her bag over everyone's feet to rush out the door. Pick up the damn bag next time! Back problems aside, we could all stand to do a bit more lifting these days. I just read this morning that we're using more gas because we weigh so much. I'm trying to do better. I've lost 6 pounds on my diet so far. I'm hungry.

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU SHOULD HAVE WORKED FROM HOME TODAY

• 10) You had trouble sleeping last night (again).
• 9) The first thought in your head as you struggled out of bed was 'I should work from home today.'
• 8) It's 3 degrees outside
• 7) Your boss is in India
• 6) There's nothing you have to do at work today that can't be done remotely
• 5) When you got to the train platform, it was extra crowded, meaning the trains were delayed.
• 4) The train is packed, moving very slowly, and some guy is snoring loudly near you the entire trip
• 3) 2 stops from your destination, the train in front of you has mechanical problems and you have to sit there indefinitely
• 2) You have a tummy-ache
• 1) It's 3 degrees outside

Today's adventure on the train featured a guest appearance by...

Crazy Ramblin' Man

Yes, that's right ladies and gentlemen. Get ready for your morning entertainment as Crazy Ramblin' Man talks very loudly to no one in particular. I have to admit, some of things he said were funny.

"James Brown may be dead, but Oprah is walking corpse. You ever see her without makeup!?"

I wasn't the only one who smirked at that one. And he was clever enough to stop ramblin' when the train stopped in order to fool the people getting on so someone would sit near him and then be trapped and inundated with ramblin'.

I've often wondered if people like this are actually mentally impaired, or are they just acting out for attention, which I suppose stil falls under mentally impaired. Then there's the question Is this person homeless because he's crazy or crazy because he's homeless? I might never know. Maybe one day I'll have the courage to talk to Crazy Ramblin' Man/Woman.

Today on the train I had to deal with the pregnant woman dilemma.

What's the pregnant woman dilemma? Well, that's when a pregnant woman boards the train and there are no seats available and she's standing near you. This situation becomes a dilemma in one of two ways:

1) The woman isn't really pregnant. Her coat is puffed out for some reason or she's just got a big belly or just looks pregnant for some reason. Having almost made the mistake of asking someone if they're pregnant when they're not, I'm always a bit cautious when I see these women where it's not obvious. So you can accidentally insult them by implying they're pregnant or offend them by not offering up your seat when they really are pregnant.

2) The woman is clearly pregnant. You offer up your seat like a gentleman (or lady, cuz it shouldn't fall completely on men's shoulders to give up a seat to a pregnant woman) and she doesn't take your seat. So while you've made the effort, you still have the reminder that is her belly in your face the rest of the trip. On top of that, you can feel the people who got on after you made the offer glaring at you for sitting down while this poor pregnant woman has to stand. Your only hope is that you will soon be stopping at one of the interchanges and enough people will get off so she can sit down.

So this morning I had to deal with number 2. It's always a joy.

I was also reminded of something else that's been bugging me a bit lately. What's with the women with no manners? You go through a door, you know someone is walking literally 2 feet behind you, you hold the door for them. Not hard. I swear, I've had so many doors slam in my face lately it's just sad. If I ever let a door slam into some woman's face it would probably be on the news that evening. But are women exempt from this common courtesy because doors are supposed to be held open for them? I don't think so. And on top of that, a lot of them don't even acknowledge or say 'thank you' when a door is held open for them. Shame on you, ladies.

Lately it seems there have been more people getting all up in my space on the train. I know what you're thinking, "It's not your space. You're on public transportation. It gets crowded." Yes, that is true, but that doesn't mean you have to sit next to me when there are 18 empty seats over there.

I'm not sure what has triggered this in me, but until the train or bus reaches a certain level of capacity, it really bugs me when someone sits next to me. I'm sure I'm not the only person who feels this way. Otherwise, people would already be sitting next to each other. I think most people have a sense of personal space unless the situation does not allow for it.

It's weird to me that it bothers me so much, but it just disrupts my morning commute. I need those few moments of time where I can have the seat to myself before dealing with some stranger potentially touching me for the next 30 minutes. I suppose that's what really bothers me - the touching. Just this morning some guy sat next to me and was pretty much leaning on me for 20 minutes. And it reminded me of the guy who last week sat next to me when there were plenty of empty seats in the car and his elbow keep touching my arm. My recent trip to NYC was just another reminder of how much I prefer the benches on the trains there. The seats here in Chicago are just not wide enough for two adults to sit next to each other without touching, especially in a "fat" city like Chicago.

I know I probably sound neurotic, but the four of you who read this blog should know that about me already. Maybe I can get one of the carpool dummies to take on the train with me.

One of the many things one has to deal with living in an urban landscape is people asking you for money. My first such encounters were accompanied by a certain amount of guilt and I readily handed over the change in my pocket to the needy. After a couple of months of that, however, I became as cold-blooded as the rest of the city dwellers. I can't be giving out change to every person that asks. And of course everybody's got a different story. I'd probably be more willing to give some change to anyone who had the guts to ask me for money so they could go get drunk.

So a couple of days ago I was presented with the "I just need a couple of bucks to get on the train cuz my car broke down" story. I've heard this 34 times. I'm not going to say I've heard it a million times. I'm pretty sure it's in the 30's, so let's just say 34. The guy seemed nice enough but I just wasn't in a giving mood. I did once give a lady two dollars to get on the train and she broke down and cried and thanked me. It might have been an act but she seemed genuine, mostly because her story wasn't too elaborate. Also, I think I was coming home from happy hour and was in a good mood so the two dollars wasn't that big a deal.

Yesterday I drove to work because I didn't feel like dealing with the CTA and I thought I might be at work late and it would be nice not to have to add that commute to the long day. I was entering the parking garage and this woman asked stopped me asked me if I could do her a favor. So I'm immediately suspicious. She says that her credit cards are all maxed out and she won't be paid until the next day so she can't get her car out of the garage. She says she'll write me a check if I pay her parking fee. Now she didn't look too shady. And I did kind of feel bad, but not that bad. I thought about it for a second. Would I be willing to say goodbye to $14 or maybe more? Not last night.

So these two incidents, two days in a row, got me thinking. Am I being tested? Could this be Jesus in disguise? Who knows. But if someone has some sob story for me today, I think I better give them some change.

So I dugg up this article this morning and had to say I was surprised:

The 5 Best Mass Transit Systems in the World

I was surprised to see Chicago in the top 5. Really!!?? Ask anybody who's been riding the L for the past couple of years and I'm sure they'd disagree. Between the construction and poor service, it's been a little rough for commuters. But maybe we've gotten spoiled over the years. I'll admit, the train system in Chi-Town has served me well over the years. And now I just realized that I've been living in the city for almost 10 years now. If you'd asked me ten years ago, I'd have though I'd be in the burbs somewhere with a wife and kids and maybe even a dog. But I digress. So are public transportation systems in other cities that bad that we rank in the top 5? I guess we'll have to see what people say if we get the Olympics in 2016. I'll be telecommuting that summer.

So, apparently I missed the day they were handing out free North Face fleeces.

I've always noticed that a lot of people own this particular clothing item. But today on the train it seemed like everyone was wearing theirs. I suppose the weather is just about right for a fleece. I suppose I'll have to make do with my inferior Izod fleece.

I realized as the train operator on the red line announced yet another slow zone on the red line this morning that the word "momentarily" has lost all meaning. I'm sure a lot of CTA riders will agree.

I'm on the train this morning, reading a book, minding my own business, when the guy standing near me raising his hand to reach for the handrail... and smacks me upside my head. Upside is the proper description in this case.

At least he apologized. I still remember the guy who smacked me upside my head with his gym bag in his haste to exit the train a few years ago. I know you're in a hurry, but how could you now notice that your bag just hit something at about the level of everyone's head.

I probably deserved both on some karmic level.

What the hell is up with all the loading zones on North Avenue near Milwaukee and Damen?

One thing I have always enjoyed about the Bucktown / Wicker Park area was the bounty of places to shop and hang out at night. And you could usually find a parking spot within two blocks of the activity. In the past couple of years the entire neighborhood has changed and it's almost become Lincoln Park West. That in itself isn't so bad, but now there's a new pain in the ass - Loading Zones.

You used to be able to find a spot on North Ave without searching too much but now it seems a third of strip from Ashland to Damen is loading zones. All these places have valet parking now, which is nice, but they cut out way too many legitimate parking spots to facilitate this. Last night I had to pass up a ton of open spaces because they were loading zones until 10pm. WTF? And after I finally found an open meter, I encountered two women who were confused through no fault of their own as they couldn't figure out if the spot where they parked was legal or not because there were three parking signs that seemed to indicate you couldn't park there anytime but luckily there was a 12 foot length of curb was it was ok. Lucky for them.

My car is making noises anyway. Maybe I should just give it up and join the hipsters on their bikes.

I have a feeling I'm going to find something to bitch about all week.

Today was the first day I rode the train since before Christmas. And in addition to the bright new lights at the stop near me, I got the sticker shock. The price went up by 50 cents. That's an extra $20 a month!! In these hard economic times I need to be saving as much money as I can for beer!

I'm sure I've bitched about this before, but it something that gets me slightly riled up every few months or so.

Women need to learn to hold the door for people behind them!!

I'm not asking for anyone to go out of their way to be nice to me. I'm certainly not asking women to be chivalrous. I'm just asking for a little common courtesy. Maybe it's their parents' fault. When I was a child, my parents taught me that it's polite to notice if someone is entering a door behind you and to hold the door for them. This seems to be an accepted practice here in the United States of America. It's really not that hard to be somewhat aware of your surroundings, especially in public places during your commute to work. You just got off a train with about 50 other people. Maybe one of them is walking about 3 feet behind you and would appreciate not having a door slam in their face. And it's even worse when the person in front of YOU holds the door and you just slide through without even holding it for yourself.

Now I know that it's not only women that do this. It's just mostly women. Perhaps it's because men are taught to be gentlemen and ladies sort of expect to have doors held open for them but don't think about holding doors for anyone else. In any case we could all try to be a little more considerate to our neighbors.

Whoa, it's been forever! But recent events on the train have inspired me to write.

First of all, what is up with the new announcements on the CTA trains these days?

Do not attempt to board this train! Doors are closing!

Yeah right, like we're gonna wait for the next train. Now I understand this is the CTA's reaction to the unfortunate incident a few months ago where a baby stroller was dragged along the platform after being caught in the doors. But I feel like this is an overreaction. And because the train operator is the one making the announcement, it comes across like a crotchety old man yelling at you to get off his lawn. The trains barely stop long enough for people to get off and on as it is, do we really need someone barking at us to not even attempt to get on the train that is right in front of you because they're ready to go?

Last night, I was riding the train home and sitting near two women who were having a conversation about their workplace. I wasn't eavesdropping, but it's hard to ignore a conversation when the people involved are speaking loudly and perhaps the only ones talking. I don't really remember most of the conversation but one thing that struck me as amusing was when one of the women was talking about a co-worker who was "African-American" she lowered her voice. She didn't say anything disparaging about this person, but I got the impression that she was nervous about saying "African-American" too loudly in front of me, like she was talking about me or something.

I feel like we've gotten too sensitive about stuff like this. First of all, I don't even like the term African-American. I know somebody at some point thought it sounded more respectful but it's probably just an insult to Africans. I'm sure many them would not consider Black Americans to be anything like the people of Africa. It's two complete different cultures. Actually more than two, because Africa is not a country, it's a big ass continent. In addition, using the term can lead to confusion. Once, someone in conversation referred to someone she had met from London as African American. I just laughed when she said it and told her that he was not African American. She was confused and stated that he was and I had to remind her than he was English, not American.

So from now on people, just say Black. And capitalize that shit when you write it. And maybe even pump your fist in the air when you say it, but not in a Jersey Shore way. :p