The Return Of Mechasmack

So I finally re-registered to vote in my district so I don't have to drive all the way out to the burbs to exercise my civic duty. I'm glad they're finalling winding down on all the who did what during Vietnam crap. Come on! There's a war going on right now that I need to know about. How are we going to clean up that mess?

I slept for more than 10 hours last night! I can't remember the last time I slept that long. And I sure needed it too. It may not be exciting to you guys, but for someone who usually has trouble sleeping, it's way up there on my chart.

8 Days until the election. I don't think I was ever this anxious about it, even the first time I voted. I just hope that more people will get out there and do it this year and vote for the person they truly believe in.

So I got up extra early this morning to make the decision to Vote or Die. I decided to Vote so that I wouldn't have to Die. It's going to be quite a day. I don't expect to know for sure who our next president is anytime soon. But a fair count is surely worth the wait.

I spend way too much time on the IMDB message boards. So not only am I wasting time, but just adding more frustration to my life with some of the idiocy that is presented there for discussion. And one thing in particular has been bugging me lately is this whole "Worst movie I've ever seen!" crap. That term is way overused, and not just on those message boards. People throw that one out way too much. Come on, is it really the worst movie you've ever seen? Have you only seen 10 movies in your entire life? Go watch Pootie Tang and then we'll talk about the worst movie you've ever seen.

Ed Bradley: "You're telling kids not to have sex. But some kids are going to have sex. What do you tell those kids. You tell them not to wear a condom?"

Denny Pattyn: "What I would say is if you chose to use a condom, don't think you're getting the protection you think you're getting."

Ed Bradley: "A kid's part of your program, and he comes to you and says, 'You know, I'm going to have sex. I've reached a point and I'm going to do this. Should I use a condom?' What do you say?"

Denny Pattyn: "My own daughter, my 16-year-old daughter, tells me she's going to be sexually active. I would not tell her to use a condom. I don't think it'll protect her. It won't protect her heart. It won't protect her emotional life. And it's not going to protect her. I don't want her to get out there and think that she's going to be protected using a condom."

Ed Bradley: "But wouldn't his daughter be more protected with a condom than without?"

Denny Pattyn: "Not long term."

Are you kidding me? Do you have a brain? Do you not understand how things work in the real world? It's one thing to promote abstinence to teens and that a good thing. But you have to show both sides of the picture because you're dealing with human beings with emotions and hormones and you can't control everybody's choices. So at least give them the facts. It's incredible that this guy would not tell his daughter to use a condom. That he would actually want her to believe that a condom will not protect her. Of course it won't protect her heart, but it will protect her from so much more. There's no guarantee that abstinence will protect her heart either. Is he going to tell her that?

I get so irate when I hear crap like this. Limiting knowledge from children is the real crime here. And on top of that our tax dollars are going towards this religious agenda. You wanna start a program to 'educate' teens, go ahead. But don't use my money to do it! Over a billion dollars have been spent on abstinence programs over the past 5 years. That's ridiculous. That money could have been used to invade another country. We need to get our priorities straight.

So now Chicago has made it illegal to talk on your cell phone while driving unless you're using some type of hands-free device. Now I certainly will agree there are some people out there who need absolutely no distractions while driving. Some shouldn't even be allowed radios. But I don't consider myself to be in that category. Of course no one does. But I've been driving while talking on a cell phone for over ten years now, and I've never noticed any lapse in my attention to the road. It's probably there, but not enough to make me a danger. So since I lost the headset that came with my phone I had to get a new one. But now I've realized that I'm going to have to keep it attached to my ear the entire time I'm in the car just in case someone calls. Because it's even more distracting if I have to fiddle with the earpiece while I'm trying to answer the phone than if I were to simply put the phone up to my ear. I suppose in a few years we'll be required to have voice-activated cell phones connected to the radio so that can be truly hands free.

Michael Crichton pleads for patent reform.

I wonder if Back To The Future II got it right? Should we abolish all lawyers?

nah

I love how the media is making a big deal about Clinton's reaction to the question about the Clinton administration not doing enough to prevent 9/11, brought up by Chris Wallace during an interview on Fox News on Sunday. By some accounts, you would think that Big Willie bitch-slapped Wallace on camera and then got in his purple Caddy and drove off. If you haven't seen the video yet, you should definitely check it out. It's still available on Google. It looks like Fox had it removed from YouTube.

I think Clinton did a good job of composing himself during this interview. He was clearly agitated, but he remained focused and articulate and told the truth. He didn't try to point fingers or make up excuses. He said he tried to get Osama Bin Laden while he was in office and he regrets that he failed to do so. But he tried. Try asking G Dub a question like that and see if he can answer without hemming and hawing and smirking and making some reference to his ranch.

Elections are coming up. Time to remind people about the war on terror. Let's just blame that on Clinton. And let's drop gas prices while we're at it. I wouldn't be surprised right now if Osama is captured in a men's room in Milwaukee.

Thanks for setting the record straight Willie. Maybe if so much time and effort wasn't wasted trying to impeach you for getting a blowjob, we could have prevented some of the mess we're in now.

I can always depend on Jon Stewart for some insight on the situation:

I was watching Lil' Bush last night, which was waaay funnier than I thought it would be - especially Lil' Cheney. That's a pretty good show and I'm sure anyone involved with it's creation is in prison right now.

It got me thinking about Cheney and his image and how people actually look at him as being evil. Now people joke about being evil. Some of my friends have even aspired to being evil to some extent. I even made a new year's resolution to make more girls cry in 2007, but that's really just for kicks. But people really feel like Cheney is evil. And it made me think about how it must feel to be thought of as evil. I'm sure, in some twisted way, he thinks he's doing the right thing for the country. I know that might be a stretch, and maybe I'm being naive, but it's hard to believe that he is actually evil incarnate. Having said that, I still wouldn't be surprised if he tortured kittens and ate babies at night in his secret underground lair where he congregates with Martha Stewart as they gaze into Saruman's palantir looking for the ring of power. I'm sure sometime next year he will reveal that he really is John Edwards' father, right after he cuts off Edwards hand.

And where has Condoleezza been lately? Maybe I just haven't been paying enough attention but it seems she's been on the DL for a bit. That's probably a good thing. I wonder if she's dating someone

2 of you might remember my ordeal from a few years ago where I received numerous calls from the Larouche campaign. I haven't gotten a call in a while but my spidey sense sure was tingling today when I looked at the number on my phone. But they left a message this time!! And sure enough, it's someone from the Larouche campaign.

Hope all 5 of you voted today. A lot of people are excited about this election. There were even 8 year olds handing out flyers near the school where my polling place is this morning. OK, that's not true, but you get the idea.

Condoleeza has some interesting words about race a few days ago. It was kinda nice to see her remind people that she is actually black. Maybe all this recent talk about race will actually move people toward having a real dialog about it without fear of the political correctness police. I think that's the only way that we're going to get past it in this country. However, one thing that definitely ticks me off is people who want to ignore the problem or speak as if there is no problem. It's usually someone who has not been affected by racism at all. I don't want to point fingers but they usually fit a certain profile. (Was that racist of me?)

Yes, that's right. He did almost say "cotton pickin'"

Let's hope all goes well.